I am in a beautiful romantic relationship.
There's mutual, unending support for each of our careers and passions, he treats me unbelievably well, and we talk about miracles and light like it's our job (it is, but that's a different story).
So why do I bring up the kinks, pick fights, and obsess over details, leaving both of us confused, hurt, and irritated?
I found my answer this week, as I was led to learn about the Upper Limit Problem.
In life, we collect what a Course in Miracles calls tiny mad ideas. We come to meet a situation where we map out pain, anger, anxiety, depression, etc. Sometimes, that situation repeats itself, and we react the same way - thus causing what I call a pain pattern, or a pattern of suffering.
Once we reach a space of comfort, light, and success - be it in relationships, careers, finances, living situation, a spiritual practice - we sometimes sabotage that happiness, thinking, Who am I to be this happy? Who am I to be this successful? You know what's comfortable? The pain. Where's the pain?
So we cause it ourselves. It's like an even sicker version of Pavlov's dogs. The bell's ringing, this situation has come up again, but we're not salivating, even though we have a hundred times before. Where's the salivating? Shouldn't I be salivating? What's wrong?
You can be aware and conscious of these feelings of discomfort, but the reason for them are very subconscious, as they come to the surface in sickness, tears, fighting, and other chaos. That is because our bodies and minds are trying to revert to our old ways as we charge ahead without them.
Have you ever wondered why you can't keep up with a good spiritual/self-improvement/self-help practice? Have you ever gotten sick before or after completing a big project, even though you don't consciously feel anxious about it?
Have you felt the discomfort and thought: What. Is. Wrong with me? That makes you freak out even more.
That's the Upper Limit Problem. That's our fear of stepping into a power we have found.
I'm going to take this a step further and ask: how has our society taught us that we don't deserve what we have?
Think about it. The media paints pictures of struggle, death, disaster. When there's a positive human interest story, there is almost always a sob story behind it. Where's our struggle? When we don't have that, we worry.
The answer is to find your comfort in these new, positive atmospheres and miracles.
1). Surrender to Inner Wisdom and Intuition. You have an unbelievable power inside of you to understand a circumstance on a divine level. We don't allow ourselves to listen to it because we are bombarded with surface noise, a crowded mind, or others' opinions. Allow yourself to sit in total stillness for five minutes. What do you feel?
2). Let the Universe do the Guiding. This relates to your intuition as well. There is a plan greater than one you could ever devise. If you are supposed to be where you are, that's why you're there. Don't worry about where you are. The Universe has got it covered.
3). Accept that You are Exactly Where You Need to Be. Accept the success as much as you teach yourself to accept the pain. You deserve it! Society may tell you otherwise - but you don't need society or old blueprints to dictate what you deserve. If you've made it, embrace it. Understanding your fear of success and love is the first step to clearing it out.
Breathe in: This was meant to happen.
Breathe out: I release my fear, doubt, and uncertainty.
Breathe in: We all deserve abundance.
Breathe out: This abundance is for the good of the world.
The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level is a book by Gay Hendricks, who has an unimaginable grasp on fear and coined "the Upper Limit Problem." Check it out here.